Sometimes I wonder why I even try. I get pushed away for someone else and I feel so alone. It shouldn't be any different than it has been for years, but one can hope. I feel like I am just in the way and someone to be tolerated. That is no way to feel, is it? Is it all me? It has to be. But then how can I have these feelings if they aren't real? Maybe I am reading too much into it.
Sometimes I just want to pull someones hair out and push them out of the picture, but I know that is childish and is just my own insecurities coming to the surface. I think it is my insecurities from my childhood, feeling like I wasn't good enough. I still feel like I am not good enough. How do I change these feelings? Why should I care? I should live my life and forget this crap, but it is hard to when you just want to be accepted and loved for who you are. I feel like people are ashamed of me. I can only be who I am, it has taken me a long time to figure this out and sometimes I don't even think I have it figured out. I feel like a fake, that I am being who everyone else wants me to be and not who I really am. But then in my 44th year, I really don't know who I am any more, but then I don't think I ever knew who I am.
I know God knows who I am. Does he like what he sees? Does he love me? Does he accept me? Is he ashamed of me? Does he just tolerate me?
More questions to ponder......
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Thank you for your comment on my blog! My suggestion would be to hot glue some felt on the back with a thin cardboard heart sandwiched in between. One person on Ravelry said that spray startch worked as well :) Another thing you could try might be wire attached to the back. Hope this helps, and let me know if you have an questions!!
ReplyDeleteGrace Ann